Worse Than the Sins of Sodom
My Testimony
Linda Sedrick Pearson
April 21, 2004
Sins of Sodom
Ezekiel 16: 49-50
“Pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness”
“Neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy” (49)
“They were haughty, and committed abomination before Me” (50)
My sins have been worse than these because in my youth, God made a covenant with me.
Yet, I broke that covenant. I committed sins and God was angry with me. He discovered my sins and made them open for others to see. He stripped me of everything because of my sins. Because of mine abominations against God, He has stripped me and left me naked. My sins were greater than those of Sodom because I broke the covenant that I made with God.
I made a covenant with God. I accepted Him as my God and my LORD. But, I did not honour my covenant with Him. I chased after self-control of my life and refused to hand control over to Him. I cursed those around me and seeked to do them harm. I planned evil ways to destroy others and harbored anger inside me. I set myself as greater than others and judged those who I saw as beneath me. When others came against me, I cursed them. I let in hurt from others and did not allow God to throw away the hurt. I dwelled on it and planned my revenge.
God tried over and over again to comfort me. Yet, I pushed Him away. I confessed Him with my mouth and refused Him in my heart.
I wallowed in my self-pity, and in depression. I enjoyed the hurtful things and pretended to be a martyr for the cause of God. I was a pretender. A false witness.
My haughty spirit prayed for God’s relief and then pushed Him aside when He tried to give it to me.
I am brought low and all the nakedness of my sin is revealed. All look upon me and are ashamed to look. They turn their heads for I am ugly to look upon.
I pretended to draw close to God; but instead, I pushed Him further away.
I am an ugly, spiteful, spoiled child. I kick my feet, hold my breath, and scream at others. I cry for attention; yet, when it is given, I push it away.
Oh, God. What a pitiful specimen I am. I try to take Your place and sit in judgment of those around me. Then, I have the audacity to tell others that they have no right to judge me. How dare I do such things. I have NO rights because I broke my covenant with You, LORD. Because of the sins I have committed since the covenant was made between us, You, God, have stripped me naked. You have laid my sins bare and forced me to look upon my nakedness. You made me face myself.
What did I see? Don’t make me look, LORD. Yet, I must. It is so ugly and black. It is dark and incomprehensible.
God, you wanted to bless me; but I would not let You. My sins stood between me and Thee, LORD, and they are very ugly. They are dark with blackness, singed with sin. Everything is dark and bleak within me. There is a covering of blackness over my innards.
Please, God. I must confess it all. Show it all to me. Reveal to me all my sins. I force myself to look at the ugliness within myself. God says, “Look,” and I must obey. The smoke rises from my self-inflicted abominations.
I gave the devil credit for my condition. But, it was not the devil that inflicted my wounds. It was me and me only who has done these things against myself and the LORD, my God.
It was myself who broke the covenant. No one else. No one person or thing forced me to do these things. It was me and me alone.
My sins are worse than those of Sodom. Sodom never had the covenant. Sodom died in its sins because no covenant was given to it.
In my youth (16), I was offered the covenant. At that time, I accepted the LORD. I told Him, He would be the LORD of my life. I told Him, He would be my Saviour.
He honoured His part of the covenant. God accepted me as His child. He never left me. He continually tried to comfort me and bless me. He called to me, to spend time with me. He tried to talk with me.
I tried to hide from Him. I constantly pushed Him aside. I clapped my hands over my ears and told Him I didn’t want to listen. I told Him to leave me alone.
God could not leave me alone. For Him to do that, He would have to break our covenant. He had promised to never leave me. So, He sat beside me, silent at times. Sometimes, He tried to speak, but I would not hear. He tried to bring me peace. He wanted, so much, to bless me; but, I would not let Him.
I preferred to wallow in my depression and self-inflicted wounds. I preferred to pat myself on the back, and say, “Oh, woe is me. Oh, my poor soul.” My pity became my comfort. I turned against all those around me. I had to because God tried to use them to speak to me. He tried desperately to reach me. But, I would not allow Him in.
God tried to tell me how much He loved me. I could not accept His love. If I accepted His love, then I would have to let go of all my sinful ways. To accept God’s love, I would have to let go of all the anger against others. To accept His love, I would have to forgive others.
I told Him with my mouth that I accepted Him; but I hardened mine heart against Him. I did not want to give up the anger, jealousy, envy, strife, judgment of others, depression, hatred, dependence upon myself, self-pity. I would have to deliver to God my unworthiness so that He could make me worthy. I would have to give up my unrighteousness so that He could bless me with His righteousness.
Yes, my sins are worse than those sins of Sodom. I broke the covenant with God and wallowed in my sins. I refused to confess them, pretending that they did not exist.
Today (April 21, 2004), God was angry with me. My Father had had enough from this rebellious child. With firm hand of my Father, I was sat down. He chided me and told me He would have no more of it. I must choose today to honour the new covenant He is offering me. If I do not choose His covenant, then He will leave me in my nakedness. He will leave all revealed for others to see. It is too ugly for others to look upon; but He would show it to all.
Father was tired of my rebellion. He was weary of my sins. He had enough from me. Since I am the one who broke the covenant, He was also free of the covenant. My LORD and God was released from this covenant because I had rejected Him. Not just once did I reject Him; but I did it over and over through years of rejection. He was through with this old covenant, which I did not honour.
God turned away. My Father turned His back and started to walk away. I never felt so alone in my life. My heart melted and the tears fell. I began to plead with Him. I cried out, “Please, God, don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me alone. Please, Father, I can not bear to be without you. Oh, God! Don’t leave me.”
When I began to plead, God turned and again faced me. He also had tears in His eyes. His heart had been broken and I was the cause.
“Oh, God! Forgive me,” I cried as the tears fell. “Forgive me, LORD, of all my sins. I confess them all. You are right. I am full of deceit and anger. I envy others who seem to have all; yet, I look and see I have nothing. Forgive me of all these things. Forgive my depression, self-pity, hatred. Forgive my thoughts of acts I would do to others if I had the chance. Forgive my self-righteousness. Forgive me for clapping my hands over my ears and not listening to You. Forgive me, LORD, of rejecting You.”
I searched my inward being looking for anything that I needed to confess. I wanted to confess it all.
“Reveal to me, my God, what I have not yet confessed. Today, right now, let me leave nothing unconfessed. Forgive me of breaking the covenant between us, LORD. Father, forgive me of being in rebellion against the family. Most of all, forgive me of my rebellion against You. Forgive me for breaking Your heart, Father. Forgive me of the tears You shed for me. Forgive me for hurting You, Father. Forgive me for telling You to leave me alone. Forgive me of all my rejections, LORD.”
Father came closer to me. “Father, don’t leave me without hope. I need the hope, LORD. I need You, my God. I need it, LORD, and can not live without it. I can not live without You!”
Father showed me His answer in His word. “I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth, and I will establish My covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD” (Ezekiel 16: 60, 62).
He continued to speak to me through His word. “That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame, when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done,” saith the LORD GOD (Ezekiel 16: 63).
God was still hurt and angry with me; but He had forgiven me. When His anger and hurt passes, then, the new covenant will be established with me. I can not earn this covenant. Being good and doing right does not earn the new covenant. It is a gift freely given to me by my Father, LORD, and GOD.
He forgave me, instantly of all my sins against Him. How great a GOD, my Father is. Even though His heart was still broken, even though He was still angry with me, even though He was still hurt over my injuries to Him, He instantly forgave me.
I am not without hope. I am flooded with peace. I will always remember what I inflicted on my LORD. I will always remember when He turned His back and started to walk away. I will always remember the hurt in His face and the tears He cried for me. I will never forget that I broke my Father’s heart.
God told me to write all this down. I am to share this testimony with others. God will tell me when it is enough. I must stand in shame through this testimony until the LORD and my God is satisfied. Then, He will put my shame aside and I will speak of it no more. God will remember it no more after that time.
© 2004 Linda Sedrick Pearson
Linda Sedrick Pearson
April 21, 2004
Sins of Sodom
Ezekiel 16: 49-50
“Pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness”
“Neither did she strengthen the hand of the poor and needy” (49)
“They were haughty, and committed abomination before Me” (50)
My sins have been worse than these because in my youth, God made a covenant with me.
Yet, I broke that covenant. I committed sins and God was angry with me. He discovered my sins and made them open for others to see. He stripped me of everything because of my sins. Because of mine abominations against God, He has stripped me and left me naked. My sins were greater than those of Sodom because I broke the covenant that I made with God.
I made a covenant with God. I accepted Him as my God and my LORD. But, I did not honour my covenant with Him. I chased after self-control of my life and refused to hand control over to Him. I cursed those around me and seeked to do them harm. I planned evil ways to destroy others and harbored anger inside me. I set myself as greater than others and judged those who I saw as beneath me. When others came against me, I cursed them. I let in hurt from others and did not allow God to throw away the hurt. I dwelled on it and planned my revenge.
God tried over and over again to comfort me. Yet, I pushed Him away. I confessed Him with my mouth and refused Him in my heart.
I wallowed in my self-pity, and in depression. I enjoyed the hurtful things and pretended to be a martyr for the cause of God. I was a pretender. A false witness.
My haughty spirit prayed for God’s relief and then pushed Him aside when He tried to give it to me.
I am brought low and all the nakedness of my sin is revealed. All look upon me and are ashamed to look. They turn their heads for I am ugly to look upon.
I pretended to draw close to God; but instead, I pushed Him further away.
I am an ugly, spiteful, spoiled child. I kick my feet, hold my breath, and scream at others. I cry for attention; yet, when it is given, I push it away.
Oh, God. What a pitiful specimen I am. I try to take Your place and sit in judgment of those around me. Then, I have the audacity to tell others that they have no right to judge me. How dare I do such things. I have NO rights because I broke my covenant with You, LORD. Because of the sins I have committed since the covenant was made between us, You, God, have stripped me naked. You have laid my sins bare and forced me to look upon my nakedness. You made me face myself.
What did I see? Don’t make me look, LORD. Yet, I must. It is so ugly and black. It is dark and incomprehensible.
God, you wanted to bless me; but I would not let You. My sins stood between me and Thee, LORD, and they are very ugly. They are dark with blackness, singed with sin. Everything is dark and bleak within me. There is a covering of blackness over my innards.
Please, God. I must confess it all. Show it all to me. Reveal to me all my sins. I force myself to look at the ugliness within myself. God says, “Look,” and I must obey. The smoke rises from my self-inflicted abominations.
I gave the devil credit for my condition. But, it was not the devil that inflicted my wounds. It was me and me only who has done these things against myself and the LORD, my God.
It was myself who broke the covenant. No one else. No one person or thing forced me to do these things. It was me and me alone.
My sins are worse than those of Sodom. Sodom never had the covenant. Sodom died in its sins because no covenant was given to it.
In my youth (16), I was offered the covenant. At that time, I accepted the LORD. I told Him, He would be the LORD of my life. I told Him, He would be my Saviour.
He honoured His part of the covenant. God accepted me as His child. He never left me. He continually tried to comfort me and bless me. He called to me, to spend time with me. He tried to talk with me.
I tried to hide from Him. I constantly pushed Him aside. I clapped my hands over my ears and told Him I didn’t want to listen. I told Him to leave me alone.
God could not leave me alone. For Him to do that, He would have to break our covenant. He had promised to never leave me. So, He sat beside me, silent at times. Sometimes, He tried to speak, but I would not hear. He tried to bring me peace. He wanted, so much, to bless me; but, I would not let Him.
I preferred to wallow in my depression and self-inflicted wounds. I preferred to pat myself on the back, and say, “Oh, woe is me. Oh, my poor soul.” My pity became my comfort. I turned against all those around me. I had to because God tried to use them to speak to me. He tried desperately to reach me. But, I would not allow Him in.
God tried to tell me how much He loved me. I could not accept His love. If I accepted His love, then I would have to let go of all my sinful ways. To accept God’s love, I would have to let go of all the anger against others. To accept His love, I would have to forgive others.
I told Him with my mouth that I accepted Him; but I hardened mine heart against Him. I did not want to give up the anger, jealousy, envy, strife, judgment of others, depression, hatred, dependence upon myself, self-pity. I would have to deliver to God my unworthiness so that He could make me worthy. I would have to give up my unrighteousness so that He could bless me with His righteousness.
Yes, my sins are worse than those sins of Sodom. I broke the covenant with God and wallowed in my sins. I refused to confess them, pretending that they did not exist.
Today (April 21, 2004), God was angry with me. My Father had had enough from this rebellious child. With firm hand of my Father, I was sat down. He chided me and told me He would have no more of it. I must choose today to honour the new covenant He is offering me. If I do not choose His covenant, then He will leave me in my nakedness. He will leave all revealed for others to see. It is too ugly for others to look upon; but He would show it to all.
Father was tired of my rebellion. He was weary of my sins. He had enough from me. Since I am the one who broke the covenant, He was also free of the covenant. My LORD and God was released from this covenant because I had rejected Him. Not just once did I reject Him; but I did it over and over through years of rejection. He was through with this old covenant, which I did not honour.
God turned away. My Father turned His back and started to walk away. I never felt so alone in my life. My heart melted and the tears fell. I began to plead with Him. I cried out, “Please, God, don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me alone. Please, Father, I can not bear to be without you. Oh, God! Don’t leave me.”
When I began to plead, God turned and again faced me. He also had tears in His eyes. His heart had been broken and I was the cause.
“Oh, God! Forgive me,” I cried as the tears fell. “Forgive me, LORD, of all my sins. I confess them all. You are right. I am full of deceit and anger. I envy others who seem to have all; yet, I look and see I have nothing. Forgive me of all these things. Forgive my depression, self-pity, hatred. Forgive my thoughts of acts I would do to others if I had the chance. Forgive my self-righteousness. Forgive me for clapping my hands over my ears and not listening to You. Forgive me, LORD, of rejecting You.”
I searched my inward being looking for anything that I needed to confess. I wanted to confess it all.
“Reveal to me, my God, what I have not yet confessed. Today, right now, let me leave nothing unconfessed. Forgive me of breaking the covenant between us, LORD. Father, forgive me of being in rebellion against the family. Most of all, forgive me of my rebellion against You. Forgive me for breaking Your heart, Father. Forgive me of the tears You shed for me. Forgive me for hurting You, Father. Forgive me for telling You to leave me alone. Forgive me of all my rejections, LORD.”
Father came closer to me. “Father, don’t leave me without hope. I need the hope, LORD. I need You, my God. I need it, LORD, and can not live without it. I can not live without You!”
Father showed me His answer in His word. “I will remember my covenant with thee in the days of thy youth, and I will establish My covenant with thee; and thou shalt know that I am the LORD” (Ezekiel 16: 60, 62).
He continued to speak to me through His word. “That thou mayest remember, and be confounded, and never open thy mouth any more because of thy shame, when I am pacified toward thee for all that thou hast done,” saith the LORD GOD (Ezekiel 16: 63).
God was still hurt and angry with me; but He had forgiven me. When His anger and hurt passes, then, the new covenant will be established with me. I can not earn this covenant. Being good and doing right does not earn the new covenant. It is a gift freely given to me by my Father, LORD, and GOD.
He forgave me, instantly of all my sins against Him. How great a GOD, my Father is. Even though His heart was still broken, even though He was still angry with me, even though He was still hurt over my injuries to Him, He instantly forgave me.
I am not without hope. I am flooded with peace. I will always remember what I inflicted on my LORD. I will always remember when He turned His back and started to walk away. I will always remember the hurt in His face and the tears He cried for me. I will never forget that I broke my Father’s heart.
God told me to write all this down. I am to share this testimony with others. God will tell me when it is enough. I must stand in shame through this testimony until the LORD and my God is satisfied. Then, He will put my shame aside and I will speak of it no more. God will remember it no more after that time.
© 2004 Linda Sedrick Pearson
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